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Emotions in Normative Passion and Dysfunctional Passion: What Makes the Experience Pathological?


I will begin by briefly presenting the nature of emotions, then move on to passion and the ways in which it can be experienced.


Emotions are complex functions, expressed on physiological, behavioural, and mental levels, and are perceived as concerns that affect attention and prioritise human preoccupations. Emotions guide us in understanding the nature of our relationships with others and the world—they help us! There are basic emotions, of older evolutionary origin, such as fear, which require little mental processing and are linked to more automatic behavioural responses, like fleeing from something threatening. However, in the case of humans, beyond basic emotions, there are more complex emotions, which arise with the advent of language and bring with them the ability to create meanings for emotions, as well as to modulate and understand them within a social and cultural context, such as shame and guilt. Complex emotions, therefore, point to patterns of interaction with the world and others, such as displeasure and pleasure, and consequently, to characteristics of our self-perception in the world.


Being evolutionarily older than language and rationality, emotion controls us more than we control it. However, it is through the foundation of language and reflecting on the emotion itself that it can begin to be shaped and symbolised in different ways. We create relational schemas or, one might say, implicit relational patterns, where through repetitive and significant experiences in life, we form almost a package of perception of the world, preparing us for what we foresee. These implicit relational patterns are mainly structured in early childhood with primary caregivers. Faced with a situation, we will feel and react according to our previous experiences, which gradually shape our perception of ourselves, others, and the world. We end up repeating these patterns, and often, the principles that mentally organise them are unknown to us, that is, unconscious. For example: "I distance myself from people because I will be abandoned," "those who love, sacrifice," "I don’t deserve love," "impulsive people are more genuine," "the world is cruel, and I can’t trust anyone," "people are good and we should trust them first", among others.


The process of emotional expression and experience is dynamic, varying with our learning and new relationships. Not only is the emotion itself alterable, but also the underlying neural mechanisms, so that through neural plasticity, a person’s brain and body adapt to their habits and circumstances. For example: constant negative psychosocial experiences, without emotional support and associated with negative meanings of these experiences, can lead to a person disinvesting in reality, something that will biologically mirror a decrease in neurotransmitters associated with pleasure, motivation, and reward. A person who has been abandoned will unconsciously believe they will be abandoned again, with anticipatory attitudes and emotions, but if they have successive different experiences where they are not left, their entire implicit relational pattern can be modified. The brain will make new associations, and in the face of a new relationship, they will no longer automatically react with fear of abandonment.


Passion


Passion is a very striking experience in people’s lives, not only because of the intensity of the emotional changes experienced but also because of its importance in the lives of many people, thus composing the source of the strongest memories. When emotional intensity is associated with certain beliefs and thoughts, such as fear of vulnerability, this belief is accentuated. In relationships, one lives in the dilemma between independence vs. intimacy, and to experience this with well-being, it is necessary for those involved to have an integrated personality, as well as emotional regulation capabilities and secure attachments. In other words, it is essential to have the ability to manage negative and normal emotions, such as anxiety and jealousy, as well as to have had stable experiences of care and affection throughout life, ensuring that one could explore life and their identity always having a place and someone to return to. For those who have had ambivalent care or a lack of it, the experience of vulnerability in passion can be overwhelming, as can the fear of being abandoned once again.


But what happens in passion? It is an incredible phenomenon that causes changes in the body that can resemble the ingestion of amphetamines. At the hormonal level, there is an increase in the production of testosterone and oestrogen (related to sexual desire), cortisol (stress and activation), adrenaline (feelings of anxiety, insecurity, euphoria, increased heart rate and accelerated breathing), and oxytocin and vasopressin (associated with attachment). At the mental functioning level, there is inhibition of the frontal lobe, with the loss of filtering and critical abilities, planning, impulse control, prediction of consequences, and decision-making standing out. The well-being and energy associated with passion are also due to changes in neurotransmitters, with increased production of dopamine (feeling of pleasure and well-being), norepinephrine (increased sweating, energy, positivity, and decreased hunger and thirst), as well as a drop in serotonin. Some authors (Borges, 2015; Calabrez, 2017) even compare passion to an obsessive-compulsive disorder state, as elevated dopamine and low serotonin are associated with addiction, obsession, and compulsion mechanisms (reward areas—caudate nucleus and VTA). This can be seen in the constant invasion of thoughts (obsession) related to the love object and the need to communicate with them (compulsion). Even if subtle, there is a cycle of anxiety about losing the object’s interest, compulsion to reunite, and relief. But since passion is an overwhelming phenomenon, what distinguishes normal passion from pathological passion? Some differences are distinguishable:


1- In normative passion, one preserves a sense of self and personal interests.


2- Despite some difficulty, it is possible to control impulses.


3- At the end, there is more grief for the relationship and less melancholy and defeatism.


4- There is an initial period of passion, but as the relationship evolves, a bond of trust emerges, and the initial insecurity is no longer constantly present.


5- The intense feelings of passion last for a maximum of three years.

There are also individual differences in experiencing passion: one may choose to nurture fantasies and maximise the passionate state due to its well-being or avoid idealisation; however, such attitudes depend not only on personality factors but also on personal experiences and symbolic references.


Dysfunctional Passion


1- The other person and the relationship become the priority above all else for the individual, to the detriment of previously valued interests. This can present as complete domination (common in abusive relationships—jealousy and control are more common in men) or subordination (more common in women) to the other.


2- Lack of control and freedom of choice over the conduct of caring for the other. Repetitive and impulsive (need for constant affection and avoidance of worthlessness).


3- Absences or conflicts lead to overwhelming feelings of threat, culminating in oscillation between guilt, anguish, anger, and love. At the end, there may be emotional blackmail or phenomena such as depression or even suicide/homicide"for love." Disinvestment in life, in these cases, would be seen as a refusal to lose the bond, so that by ending one’s story, the legacy of the relationship remains eternal.


4- There are signs and symptoms of withdrawal;

  • The individual recognises that they exaggerate and would like to control their behaviour but cannot.

  • A lot of time is spent controlling or tracking the partner’s activities.

  • There is a significant abandonment of the individual’s previous interests and activities in favour of dedicating more to the partner and their interests.

  • The behaviour persists despite noticing greater difficulties and damage in personal life and warnings from family and friends.


"The more I lose myself, the more I find myself in the other." But what if someone has never found themselves? For a person’s emotions to be adaptive, it is essential that both the organism, their physiology be normal, and that the person has had stable and affectionate relationships, as well as healthy cultural references. In some cultural contexts, the ideology of the "other half" is still valued, promoting the belief that people are not complete on their own, which spreads dysfunctional beliefs and unrealistic relationship expectations. Another necessity, as mentioned earlier, would be the lived experience of acceptance and belonging so that a person develops confidence in themselves, their worth, and the love they deserve. With continued experiences of lovelessness or rejection, beliefs of "not being worthy" can lead to pathological love, even if the person is unaware of it. A person then ends up avoiding abandonment and needing constant confirmation that they are loved. Other factors that may lead to such difficult relationship patterns include children growing up in homes with high authoritarianism or when they have to care for their parents’ needs, leaving little room for their own needs. Later on, this can lead to difficulties in constructing their own identity and, therefore, to the symbiotic fusion in the identity of the other we are discussing here. Moreover, these relationship models can be learned by children as they observe them in their parents.


In adulthood, many repeat this pattern and sometimes end up desiring almost unattainable love objects, aiming to resolve the inner conflict of being worthy of love, even by those who initially rejected them. Such biased choices generally culminate in ineffective or non-reciprocal relationships, thus confirming internal relational schemas. Individuals tend to have relationships with people whose beliefs and feelings are identical concerning proximity to others, intimacy, and dependence on others. Anxious individuals, therefore, tend to seek partners who feel uncomfortable with emotional closeness to confirm their own expectations and beliefs (Collins & Read, 1990).


Despite these patterns, the schemas mentioned here are dynamic, and people can learn, in new relationships and especially through psychotherapy, to invest in themselves first so that by loving themselves, they can be better loved. As Freud says, "every excess fulfils a lack," and it is necessary to care for and trim this lack, invest in personal self-esteem, capabilities, self-care, and pleasure so that one can share love and not consume themselves in it, live love in a balanced and healthy way.


I conclude with a quote from the writer Clarice Lispector:


"I do not want a love that completes me, for I am already whole on my own; I want a love that overflows me."



References:


Ainsworth, M. (1979). Infant-mother attachment. American Psychologist, 34(10), 932-937.


Ainsworth, M. (1989). Attachment beyond infancy. American Psychologist, 44(4), 709-716.


Bartholomew, K., & Griffin, D. (1994). Models of the self and the other: fundamental dimensions underlying measures of adult attachment. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 67(3), 430-445.


Berton, A. L. M. (2015). Love and Orality: A Reflection on Pathological Love. In Proceedings of the XX Brazilian Congress of Body Psychotherapies (pp. 1-16).


Boscardin, M. K., & Kristensen, C. H. (2011). Early Maladaptive Schemas in Women with Pathological Love. Revista de Psicologia da IMED, 3(1), 517-526.


Bowlby, J. (1984). Attachment, Vol. 1: Attachment and Loss Trilogy.


Borges, M. (2015). Love in the Brain. Department of Philosophy, UFSC. CNPq Research Productivity Fellow, Level 1D, CA FI - Philosophy Natal. Natal, 22(38), 125-135.


Brunhari, M. V., & Moretto, M. L. T. (2015). Love Suicide: A Metapsychological Proposition. Psicologia em Revista, 21(1), 108-125.


Calabrez, P., & Barros Filho, C. (2017). In Search of Ourselves. Chapter: Love and Passion. CDG Edições e Publicações.

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Collins, N. L., & Read, S. J. (1990). Adult attachment, working models, and relationship quality in dating couples. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 58(4), 644-663.


Damásio, A. (1994). Descartes' Error: Emotion, Reason, and the Human Brain. Chapter 8: Somatic Marker.


Eglacy, C. S., Tavares, H., & Zilberman, M. L. (2007). Pathological Love: A New Psychiatric Disorder? Brazilian Journal of Psychiatry, 29(1), 55-62.


Fabeni, L., Souza, L. T. D., Lemos, L. B., & Oliveira, M. C. L. R. (2015). The Discourse of "Love" and "Emotional Dependence" in Support Services for Women in Violent Situations. Revista do NUFEN, 7(1), 32-47.


Fortes, A. B., Maia, C. P., & Kristensen, C. H. (2018). Cognitive Strategies for Emotional Regulation: Association with Post-Traumatic Symptoms. Psychology, Health & Diseases, 19(3), 605-616.


Hazan, C., & Shaver, P. R. (1994). Attachment as an organizational framework for research on close relationships. Psychological Inquiry, 5(1), 1-22.


Levy, K. N., Blatt, S. J., & Shaver, P. R. (1998). Attachment styles and parental representations. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 74(2), 407.


Miljkovitch, R. (2004). Attachment at the Level of Representations. In A. Guedeney & N. Guedeney (Eds.), Attachment: Concepts and Applications (pp. 45-53). Lisbon: Climepsi. (Original work published 2002 as L’attachement: Concepts et applications, Paris: Masson).


Oatley, K., & Glouberman, S. (2009). Emotions and Human Health. In Psychology (Vol. II). Chapter: Classical View of Emotions.

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